BLADE (1998)

STARRING:
WESLEY SNIPES, KRIS KRISTOFFERSON, STEPHEN DORFF

KILL METER: 5/6

bladeBlade’s a ghetto vampire. But he’s really not that into it, cause I guess all vampires wanna do is take ecstasy, go to parties, and suck each other’s dicks all night, and Blade ain’t about that shit. He’s like “I still wanna be able to go to the Beach, not get in the water or nothin, just chill on the sand and get my tan on.” So, he can’t make up his mind here, and his conflict really fuels the whole plot of this movie.

blade-gallery-5One night, Blade gets invited to a rave thrown by vampire Traci Lords and some fat Cowboy looking dude. And, just like every other rave in history, people are fucking wigging out! They’re wasted out of their skulls, hallucinating all kinds of bullshit, like blood shooting out of sprinklers, people’s faces turning all crazy and fucked up, and they end up trying to gang rape the only straight, sober dude in the place. Pretty typical stuff here.

Blade-Blood-RaveBlade sees this shit, and he has just had it with these clowns. He unplugs the DJ booth and everyone is like “Awww, my buzz, your killing it, bro!” But Blade is just pissed. He gets so ticked off, when the fat, braided-hair wearing cowboy dude gets all up in his face, he puts that motherfucker in the hospital!

Vampire-Rave-Party-Scene-From-The-1998-Film-Blade

77782.gifAfter the rave disaster, the only friend Blade’s got left is some old fucking cracker who listens to Jimmy Buffet and repairs cars all day. This honky is the best Blade can do, he fucking hates this guy but he puts up with him for a while, cause he is just feeling low right now.

120916_blade_whistlerAnyway, the head raver shows up at some point and starts fucking with Blade. He’s all like “You gotta feel that fucking beat, drop some ex, bite some people’s necks and let’s all bang each other with glowsticks.”

blade-1998-movie-wesley-snipes-6But Blade, he’s done with all this crap, he wants to just move on. See, when he visited that fatass cowboy in the ICU just to fuck with him some more, he met this fine ass nurse. She wasn’t into drinking blood at raves or whatever, she just wants to chill out with a glass of wine and watch Stella got her Groove Back. And, deep down, thats all Blade wants too, so when this raved out white guy meets him at the park, Blade’s like “Bitch, get your makeup wearing ass outta my face!”

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