Category Archives: angry dad

STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS (2015)

STARRING:
HARRISON FORD, ADAM DRIVER, LENA DUNHAM (HA, NO, THAT FAT TURD'S NOT IN THIS)

KILL METER: 5/6
The-Star-Wars-The-Force-Awakens

A horse-faced dude fights a girl and a black guy in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. If you haven’t seen the other movies, man, what’s the rent like in that rock you’ve been living under? Seriously, you gotta at least go watch Empire Strikes Back, cause it’s the best Star War. Return of the Jedi’s [...]

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PATRIOT GAMES / C&PD: BOX SET (1992 / 1994)

STARRING:
HARRISON FORD, JAMES EARL JONES, SAMUEL L. JACKSON

KILL METER: 6/6
Patriot-Games-12

In both these movies, Harrison Ford’s just really overprotective of his family. It’s like, dude, if you love that goddamn family of yours so much, why don’t you just marry them already? In fact, I think he’s intentionally putting them in harm’s way, cause he gets off on being this ultimate guardian guy. Like, in [...]

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RONIN (1998)

STARRING:
ROBERT DE NIRO, SEAN CONNERY, PETER JACKSON

KILL METER: 3/6
600px-Ronin-SAW

A bunch of incontinent old dads decide to go on a wild European vacation, hoping to get away from their butt-ugly kids and stupid, Tales from the Crypt looking wives for a week or so. But they end up getting more than they bargained for in this action-packed spy thriller. Robert De Niro is the [...]

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THE PUNISHER (2004)

STARRING:
JOHN TRAVOLTA, THOMAS JANE

KILL METER: 1/6
02

The Punisher starts off as an average kind of guy, trying to raise his kids and bang his over the hill wife and just do normal guy stuff. One day, all of that changes, and the Punisher’s life gets turned on it’s ass, all cause John Travolta comes barreling into town. See, Travolta’s not doing [...]

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TAKEN (2008)

STARRING:
LIAM NEESON, MAGGIE GRACE, FAMKE JANSSEN

KILL METER: 3/6
Taken_1L.jpg

Liam Neeson is an angry Dad who will stop at nothing to ruin his daughters Spring Break vacation in this coming of age thrill ride. Neeson’s daughter goes on a crazy Paris trip with some buddies, and she ends up getting wasted and partying with a pretty rough crowd. When she prank calls her Dad [...]

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A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD (2013)

STARRING:
BRUCE WILLIS, JAI COURTNEY

KILL METER: 2/6
yuliya-snigir-in-a-good-day-to-die-hard

An old, pissed off cop goes on a vacation to Russia, only to run into his estranged, shithead, good for nothing son, in this heart warming family film. Bruce Willis is a dad who just doesn’t play by the rules: instead of teaching his kid values or whatever when he was growing up, Willis would [...]

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HARD TARGET (1993)

STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, LANCE HENRIKSEN

KILL METER: 5/6
hardtarg

Jean-Claude Van Damme gets totally out of character in this action blockbuster smash hit: he’s a mullet wearing homeless loser living on the streets of New Orleans who will do anything for a buck or two. He’s also a way more sensitive Van Damme than you’re probably used to seeing. This lady hires him to [...]

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ROBOCOP (1987)

STARRING:
PETER WELLER, NANCY ALLEN AND RONNY COX

KILL METER: 6/6
robocop-guns

Alex Murphy is a pretty good cop. Unfortunately, he gets shot the fuck up by a bunch of angry dads in the first 20 minutes of this movie. But it’s totally not a problem, because a big time company invests some money and puts him in a metal suit, with a helmet and a fucking [...]

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