Category Archives: cops & crooks

JACK REACHER (2012)

STARRING:
TOM CRUISE, ROSAMUND PIKE, MORGAN FREEMAN

KILL METER: 2/6
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In most Tom Cruise movies, they use computer effects or just stack him on a bunch of boxes so he’ll look like he’s a normal sized person. Especially when he’s in a scene with another actor, cause about 90% of the adult population is roughly 2 to 3 feet taller than his tiny boy frame. [...]

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48 HRS. (1982)

STARRING:
NICK NOLTE, EDDIE MURPHY

KILL METER: 3/6
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Nick Nolte’s a scummy, low-life, racist cop. Eddie Murphy’s a smooth talking convict. They get paired up for an action-packed extravaganza in 48 hrs. Nolte’s working a drug case, and it is not going well! He’s got zero leads, and he’s made absolutely no progress on this thing whatsoever. Mainly, because he’s a lazy, fat, [...]

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LETHAL WEAPON (1987)

STARRING:
MEL GIBSON, DANNY GLOVER, GARY BUSEY

KILL METER: 6/6
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Mel and Danny G: they’re cops. Right off the bat, you can tell they’re gonna have a hard time working together, cause Gibson’s a reckless, suicidal fucking mess. Also, he’s an Australian to boot! MG’s a total gun nut, he shoots at everything he sees, doesn’t matter what it is. He eats all kinds of [...]

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A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD (2013)

STARRING:
BRUCE WILLIS, JAI COURTNEY

KILL METER: 2/6
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An old, pissed off cop goes on a vacation to Russia, only to run into his estranged, shithead, good for nothing son, in this heart warming family film. Bruce Willis is a dad who just doesn’t play by the rules: instead of teaching his kid values or whatever when he was growing up, Willis would [...]

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MONEY TRAIN (1995)

STARRING:
WESLEY SNIPES, WOODY HARRELSON, J-LO

KILL METER: 2/6
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Woody and Wesley get together for the most insane bank heist you’ve ever seen. Cause they’re not just robbing some bank, no way. They’re robbing the train that takes the money to the bank! So wild!! What’s weird here is, Harrelson and Snipes, they’re supposed to be brothers. How the hell does that even make [...]

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XXX (2002)

STARRING:
VIN DIESEL, SAMUEL L. JACKSON

KILL METER: 3/6
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Vin Diesel’s landed every 10 year old boy’s dream job: he’s the star of an XTREME sports show that constantly pushes situations to their XXXTREME limits! Samuel L Jackson is a by-the-book Government worker who just wants some peace and quiet. These two oddball nuts get partnered up for all kinds of hijinks in this [...]

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SPEED (1994)

STARRING:
KEANU REEVES, DENNIS HOPPER, SANDRA BULLOCK

KILL METER: 4/6
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Hot shot rookie cop Keanu Reeves gets a peek into the daily lives of Public Transit workers in this explosive action blockbuster. Reeves gets partnered up on his first assignment with a drunk, over the hill Jeff Daniels and you just know this ain’t gonna end well for JD here. He’s bitching about how he’s [...]

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UNDER SIEGE (1992)

STARRING:
STEVEN SEAGAL, TOMMY LEE JONES, GARY BUSEY

KILL METER: 5/6
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An angry cook on a battleship finally gets the chance to slice and dice something other than Broccoli. He gets to cut dudes throats open! Steven Seagal works as a short order cook for the US Navy, taking shit all day from some old, asshole CaptainĀ and, get this, Gary Busey! One day, he just fucking [...]

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POINT BREAK (1991)

STARRING:
KEANU REEVES, PATRICK SWAYZE, GARY BUSEY

KILL METER: 4/6
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Rookie cop Keanu Reeves gets a couple of crappy mentors in this Southern California heist movie. Keanu and horse faced cop Gary Busey team up to catch a gang of bank robbers, and Busey takes Keanu under his wing right off the bat. He teaches him that, when you go on a food run, you [...]

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RISING SUN (1993)

STARRING:
SEAN CONNERY, WESLEY SNIPES AND TIA CARRERA

KILL METER: 4/6
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Wesley Snipes teams up with an old Japanese guy in this classic buddy cop action thriller hit. Snipes is like “whoa, I hate Japanese people, but now I’m stuck with one? and he’s telling me to take my mutherfuckin shoes off before I go in a house, or a goddamn office? Fuck that shit!” But [...]

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