Category Archives: cops & crooks

DEMOLITION MAN (1993)

STARRING:
SYLVESTER STALLONE, WESLEY SNIPES AND SANDRA BULLOCK

KILL METER: 2/6

Syvlester Stallone chases a gay, blonde, Bell Biv Devoe looking Wesley Snipes into the far future, where Sly learns that being a tough guy cop just isn’t as easy as it was back in the 90’s. The future’s got all kinds of rules and stupid crap going on, like people shit in seashells and wipe […]

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FACE/OFF (1997)

STARRING:
NICOLAS CAGE, JOHN TRAVOLTA, CRYPT KEEPER

KILL METER: 3/6

John Travolta wants to be Nic Cage so bad! And Nic Cage, he wants to be John Travolta. So, the government lets them switch faces, and they get to live each other’s lives for, like, a week. John Cage does drugs and goes to jail and Nic Travolta fucks John Cage’s old ass wife, and […]

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ROBOCOP (1987)

STARRING:
PETER WELLER, NANCY ALLEN AND RONNY COX

KILL METER: 6/6

Alex Murphy is a pretty good cop. Unfortunately, he gets shot the fuck up by a bunch of angry dads in the first 20 minutes of this movie. But it’s totally not a problem, because a big time company invests some money and puts him in a metal suit, with a helmet and a fucking […]

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DIE HARD (1988)

STARRING:
BRUCE WILLIS, ALAN RICKMAN, SAMUEL L JACKSON

KILL METER: 6/6

Bruce Willis gets put through all kinds of shit in this Christmas Holiday classic. First off, he goes to see his bitchy ex-wife in LA for her stupid Xmas work party, but the building gets taken over by these gay German¬†terrorists who want the money stored in the office vault. So Bruce Willis has to […]

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COBRA (1986)

STARRING:
SYLVESTER STALLONE, BRIDGETTE NIELSEN AND RENI SANTONI

KILL METER: 6/6

Cobra is a cop who just won’t play by the rules. But he gets the job done right, so when some crazy asshole shows up at a grocery store with a machine gun and starts shooting the place all the fuck up, they just call in “The Cobra”. If some guy messes with Cobra, no […]

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TIME COP (1994)

STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, MIA SARA AND RON SILVER

KILL METER: 5/6

Jean-Claude Van Damme¬†travels through time to stop people from screwing around in the past. He’s a TIMEcop. He’s also miserable as hell, because a long TIME ago, his girlfriend Mia Sara got banged and killed by a couple of butt rocker dudes, and he just can’t get over it. Why the fuck he doesn’t just […]

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BLACK RAIN (1989)

STARRING:
MICHAEL DOUGLAS, ANDY GARCIA AND KEN TAKAKURA

KILL METER: 5/6

This movie is about a cop. A fucking badass cop. You know he’s a badass, because he races his bike against the Village People at the start of the movie, and he wins. He also beats the crap out of his prisoners and has zero tolerance for other people’s culture, heritage, traditions, or rules. Also, […]

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