Category Archives: jerk of a son / daughter

STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS (2015)

STARRING:
HARRISON FORD, ADAM DRIVER, LENA DUNHAM (HA, NO, THAT FAT TURD'S NOT IN THIS)

KILL METER: 5/6
The-Star-Wars-The-Force-Awakens

A horse-faced dude fights a girl and a black guy in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. If you haven’t seen the other movies, man, what’s the rent like in that rock you’ve been living under? Seriously, you gotta at least go watch Empire Strikes Back, cause it’s the best Star War. Return of the Jedi’s [...]

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THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (2012)

STARRING:
ANDREW GARFIELD, EMMA STONE, DENIS LEARY

KILL METER: 1/6
THE-AMAZING-SPIDER-MAN-2

Peter Parker’s a huge weenie. People just wail on his emo ass all the time. He gets pantsed and dragged around the track on a daily basis, girls dunk his books and shove him in his locker, even some of the teachers take a swing at him now and then when they wanna let off [...]

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THOR (2011)

STARRING:
PATRICK SWAYZE, NATALIE PORTMAN, ANTHONY HOPKINS

KILL METER: 3/6
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Point Break era Patrick Swayze gets to fuck Natalie Portman in this sci-fi action space opera. Swayze plays Thor, a bonehead, frat boy douchebag. He’s also an alien. He lives on an asteroid that doubles as a Lord of the Rings screensaver. There’s waterfalls, castles, dragons, and all kinds of fantasy crap – but not [...]

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TAKEN (2008)

STARRING:
LIAM NEESON, MAGGIE GRACE, FAMKE JANSSEN

KILL METER: 3/6
Taken_1L.jpg

Liam Neeson is an angry Dad who will stop at nothing to ruin his daughters Spring Break vacation in this coming of age thrill ride. Neeson’s daughter goes on a crazy Paris trip with some buddies, and she ends up getting wasted and partying with a pretty rough crowd. When she prank calls her Dad [...]

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A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD (2013)

STARRING:
BRUCE WILLIS, JAI COURTNEY

KILL METER: 2/6
yuliya-snigir-in-a-good-day-to-die-hard

An old, pissed off cop goes on a vacation to Russia, only to run into his estranged, shithead, good for nothing son, in this heart warming family film. Bruce Willis is a dad who just doesn’t play by the rules: instead of teaching his kid values or whatever when he was growing up, Willis would [...]

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KARATE KID (1984)

STARRING:
RALPH MACCHIO, PAT MORITA AND ELISABETH SHUE

KILL METER: 2/6
The-Karate-Kid-the-karate-kid-4032316-1920-1080bw

This movie is all about acceptance. See, there’s this lesbian, she goes by Danielson. Well, I guess she’s actually trans-gender.. The point is, she’s not accepted at all in the community of bum-fuck wherever the hell she lives. The assholes in her school fuck with her constantly. Also, I think her GF was pretty hot, [...]

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