STARRING:
MICHAEL FASSBENDER, KATE WINSLET, SETH ROGEN
So, you think you know all about Steve Jobs cause you buy his little computers and iPhones? Well, you don’t know shit. Michael Fassbender is a tornado of acting, and he’s here to show you all about the real Jobs, how he was a full-on badass who got all boned-up by treating other people like [...]
STARRING:
ELIJAH WOOD, IAN McKELLEN, LIV TYLER
In this high-fantasy blockbuster, a group of pansy midgets and their crotchety old man buddy go on a long, boring, never-ending cross country trip from hell, all to hand off some crappy, Claire’s boutique looking jewelry. Our tale bangs off in the shittiest age in human history: medieval times. Everybody smells like piss, they don’t [...]
STARRING:
KEANU REEVES, LAWRENCE FISHBURN, CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Keanu Reeves gets totally boned over by Lawrence Fishburn in this summer action sci-fi knockout. Keanu’s working in a computer tech firm, minding his business, until one day he gets some Spam email from Lawrence Fishburn. The email’s titled something like “Lawrence Fishburn has an exciting new opportunity, free to try..” and like the gullible [...]
STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, FOREST WHITAKER, ANDRE THE GIANT
Van Damme is a soldier in the French army, farting around the Desert, waiting for the chance to surrender to the enemy. One day, he get’s a letter from America telling him that his brother just died. He acts like he really cares about his brother’s death, but, in reality, he really just wants to [...]
STARRING:
RALPH MACCHIO, PAT MORITA AND ELISABETH SHUE
This movie is all about acceptance. See, there’s this lesbian, she goes by Danielson. Well, I guess she’s actually trans-gender.. The point is, she’s not accepted at all in the community of bum-fuck wherever the hell she lives. The assholes in her school fuck with her constantly. Also, I think her GF was pretty hot, [...]
