STARRING:
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, MARIA CONCHITA ALONSO
It’s the future, and Arnold’s an ex-cop framed for murder. He’s got two choices – go to prison, or be a contestant on some bullshit game show called The Running Man, where people run.. for their lives! It’s like American Gladiators, except with really queer Gladiators that want to kill you. Arnold really stretches his [...]
STARRING:
WESLEY SNIPES, KRIS KRISTOFFERSON, STEPHEN DORFF
Blade’s a ghetto vampire. But he’s really not that into it, cause I guess all vampires wanna do is take ecstasy, go to parties, and suck each other’s dicks all night, and Blade ain’t about that shit. He’s like “I still wanna be able to go to the Beach, not get in the water or [...]
STARRING:
SYLVESTER STALLONE, WESLEY SNIPES AND SANDRA BULLOCK
Syvlester Stallone chases a gay, blonde, Bell Biv Devoe looking Wesley Snipes into the far future, where Sly learns that being a tough guy cop just isn’t as easy as it was back in the 90′s. The future’s got all kinds of rules and stupid crap going on, like people shit in seashells and wipe [...]
STARRING:
BRANDON LEE, MICHAEL WINCOTT AND ERNIE HUDSON
In some shithole city, where it’s never, ever daytime ever, a righteous 4 man gang rides around and blows crap up and just does whatever the hell they want. They basically own the city. On a typical weekday evening, they’re swallowing bullets, putting cigars out on their tongues, chanting all kinds of crazy shit at [...]
STARRING:
PETER WELLER, NANCY ALLEN AND RONNY COX
Alex Murphy is a pretty good cop. Unfortunately, he gets shot the fuck up by a bunch of angry dads in the first 20 minutes of this movie. But it’s totally not a problem, because a big time company invests some money and puts him in a metal suit, with a helmet and a fucking [...]
STARRING:
CARL WEATHERS, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER AND GARY BUSEY
Carl Weathers travels to the Jungles of South America with a group of ex and future politicians, so they can kill as many people as possible with no threat of reprisals. While they’re down there, they run into a craaazy alien badass who wants to decorate his shitty tree house with their skulls. The alien [...]
STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, MIA SARA AND RON SILVER
Jean-Claude Van Damme travels through time to stop people from screwing around in the past. He’s a TIMEcop. He’s also miserable as hell, because a long TIME ago, his girlfriend Mia Sara got banged and killed by a couple of butt rocker dudes, and he just can’t get over it. Why the fuck he doesn’t just [...]
STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, VINCENT KLYN
It’s the future. You know it’s the future because everywhere you look is nothing but deserts, burned out buildings, never ending tire fires, and not a goddamn Starbuck in sight! Well, this guy and his girlfriend want to move away from all of that, maybe go to the beach or something, but in the future [...]
