STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, FOREST WHITAKER, ANDRE THE GIANT
Van Damme is a soldier in the French army, farting around the Desert, waiting for the chance to surrender to the enemy. One day, he get’s a letter from America telling him that his brother just died. He acts like he really cares about his brother’s death, but, in reality, he really just wants to […]
STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, LANCE HENRIKSEN
Jean-Claude Van Damme gets totally out of character in this action blockbuster smash hit: he’s a mullet wearing homeless loser living on the streets of New Orleans who will do anything for a buck or two. He’s also a way more sensitive Van Damme than you’re probably used to seeing. This lady hires him to […]
STARRING:
CARL WEATHERS, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER AND GARY BUSEY
Carl Weathers travels to the Jungles of South America with a group of ex and future politicians, so they can kill as many people as possible with no threat of reprisals. While they’re down there, they run into a craaazy alien badass who wants to decorate his shitty tree house with their skulls. The alien […]
STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, MIA SARA AND RON SILVER
Jean-Claude Van Damme travels through time to stop people from screwing around in the past. He’s a TIMEcop. He’s also miserable as hell, because a long TIME ago, his girlfriend Mia Sara got banged and killed by a couple of butt rocker dudes, and he just can’t get over it. Why the fuck he doesn’t just […]
STARRING:
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, VINCENT KLYN
It’s the future. You know it’s the future because everywhere you look is nothing but deserts, burned out buildings, never ending tire fires, and not a goddamn Starbuck in sight! Well, this guy and his girlfriend want to move away from all of that, maybe go to the beach or something, but in the future […]
