COBRA (1986)

STARRING:
SYLVESTER STALLONE, BRIDGETTE NIELSEN AND RENI SANTONI

KILL METER: 6/6

cobra-filmCobra is a cop who just won’t play by the rules. But he gets the job done right, so when some crazy asshole shows up at a grocery store with a machine gun and starts shooting the place all the fuck up, they just call in “The Cobra”. If some guy messes with Cobra, no problem, he’ll just rip that guy’s shirt off in front of his whole crew! He eats pizza with scissors! He lives on the edge of society. He’s a rebel, goddammit!

Call-Me-SnakeI think the bad guys in this movie are meth heads or something. They just want to kill and steal, and fuck whatever. They don’t play by rules either, I guess, but they’re fucking assholes and they get pissed at Cobra, so they follow him through California Orange groves and to video shoots and just anywhere he goes. Red Sonya is also Cobra’s GF, she doesn’t really do much except stand around and give Cobra grief all the time for not playing by the rules. Oh, and his partner is Poppy from Seinfeld.

The-Right-To-Remain-Extra-CrispyAlso, I keep confusing his lines in this movie with Judge Dredd. I swear he says “I AMM THA LAAAW” in this movie, but he totally doesn’t.

The-Strong-Arm-Of-The-LawSo, if your a disease, Cobra’s the cure. That’s what I got from this shit.

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