DEMOLITION MAN (1993)

STARRING:
SYLVESTER STALLONE, WESLEY SNIPES AND SANDRA BULLOCK

KILL METER: 2/6

demolition_man_22Syvlester Stallone chases a gay, blonde, Bell Biv Devoe looking Wesley Snipes into the far future, where Sly learns that being a tough guy cop just isn’t as easy as it was back in the 90′s. The future’s got all kinds of rules and stupid crap going on, like people shit in seashells and wipe their asses with another seashell. Swearing is outlawed! No guns or punching anymore, it’s all about talking and smiling and everything Sly just fucking hates. So, he tries to blend in, he uses the seashells to take a hard dump, he doesn’t punch Rob Schnieder in his fucking stupid goddamn face.. basically, he learns restraint, which kind of sucks, because Sly is a free soul. He doesn’t need some dickhead Benjamin Bratt telling him to “stop swearing, please” and all that jazz. Also, Sandra Bullock and him.. it seems like they’re gonna bang and then, guess what? No sex in the future! Fucking bullcrap.

demolition_man_2Well, eventually he catches up with gay Wesley and beats the living fuck out of him. And he learns to accept that, hey, I’m stuck in this crappy restrictive future world, but some things are still worth breaking the rules for. Like banging a 90′s hot Sandra Bullock. So he does that in the end. Or at least it’s implied he does that. I dunno.

vlcsnap-2011-04-15-08h03m37s131Also, Denis Leary is in this movie, for some reason.

2 bullets, because restraint is an important lesson, but if you have to stop yourself from just wailing on Rob Schnieder when you see him in person, you’ve crossed the line.

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