MONEY TRAIN (1995)

STARRING:
WESLEY SNIPES, WOODY HARRELSON, J-LO

KILL METER: 2/6

MoneyTrainWoody and Wesley get together for the most insane bank heist you’ve ever seen. Cause they’re not just robbing some bank, no way. They’re robbing the train that takes the money to the bank! So wild!!

moneytrain-1What’s weird here is, Harrelson and Snipes, they’re supposed to be brothers. How the hell does that even make sense? They keep making jokes about it, but it’s still just so goddamn weird. And not cause one of them’s a cracker. It’s weird because Harrelson has, like, a hillbilly drawl, and Snipes sounds like he’s from Brooklyn. If they lived in the same house, had the same parents, and hung out together for their whole fucking lives, they would definitely at least have the same accents, but nope. And you’re trying to tell me they’re brothers? Nuh uh.

87962_lgAnyway, Snipes gets to plow J-Lo. And Harrelson, he doesn’t get jack shit, cause in the end, the money explodes along with the fucking train. But neither of them have to go to jail, which is good, cause try explaining that “brother” bullcrap to the Black Panthers, or the Arian Nation. It ain’t gonna fly, dude.

money_trainAlso, Beretta’s in this movie. He plays a midget who is just in love with money. Like he wants to actually try and fuck stacks of bills or something. I kinda feel like, in real life, that’s not a huge stretch for him. He’s probably got a girl (or guy) made out of money at his house that he bangs on a nightly basis. Beretta, he’s just a kooky little rich guy, am I right here?

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