Rookie cop Keanu Reeves gets a couple of crappy mentors in this Southern California heist movie. Keanu and horse faced cop Gary Busey team up to catch a gang of bank robbers, and Busey takes Keanu under his wing right off the bat. He teaches him that, when you go on a food run, you always gotta get two burritos for Gary Busey. “Gimme two!” It’s Busey’s catch phrase in this movie! That squad car must’ve smelled like an atomic Mexican fart all the time, but Busey was Reeves’ boss here, so he probably just had to deal with it.
So, Keanu finds out pretty quick that normal police work just ain’t enough to crack this case- he’s also gotta learn how to surf!! Why? I dunno, but Busey tells him he has to, so end of story. Also, Busey is too fat and stupid to learn, so its gotta be Keanu.
One day, after falling off his ass a bunch of times and smacking random dudes in the head with his surfboard, he almost gets his scrawny face kicked in by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. But he’s saved at the last minute… by a girl. She looks a lot like a boy, but it turns out she’s a girl. Busey tells Keanu he has to bang her, so he does what he’s told and powers through a few pound off sessions with this manly looking broad. He also meets burn-out guru Patrick Swayze and learns that surfing isn’t just about catching waves and smoking weed, it’s also about life and love and a whole bunch of other hippie crap. Sure, Swayze looks like a sexual predator and acts really suspicious, but he’s got a lot of wisdom and fortune cookie sounding crap to bounce off Keanu’s young, rookie brain, so he must be ok, right? Well, between Busey and Swayze telling him what to do all the time, Keanu doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground anymore. They’ve got him so mixed up here, he’s banging chicks that look like guys!
Well, turns out Swayze isn’t just some pot head beach bum after all, he’s really the mastermind behind all the bank robberies! He was totally screwing with Keanu the whole time, making him think he was just some harmless pervy looking dude, when he was actually a fucking international criminal!
Keanu has to make some tough decisions here: on the one hand, he’s got this old fart blasting partner telling him to arrest Swayze. On the other hand Swayze’s got all that bank money, so Keanu decides to side with him, and Swayze’s gang kills Busey off in a shootout. While they’re making their getaway on a plane, Keanu has a change of heart and double crosses Swayze. He shoves him right out of the airplane! But, crap, he realizes Swayze still has all the bank cash on him, so he jumps out of the plane too and catches up to him in mid-air! They fall for a while and shout in each other’s faces a lot, and it really looks like they’re about to make out or something before they smash into the ground, but Keanu opens up his chute at the last minute and they just kinda bounce around a little, and they’re both ok.
So, they settle their differences, take all that cash and move to some island together. The cops eventually track them down and arrest Keanu, but Swayze was out surfing when they get busted, so the cops can’t touch him out there. None of them wanna swim out to get him, so they’re all just like “aw, screw it, we got Keanu and all the money, let’s just leave that old asshole out there and go home.” So, Keanu ends up taking the wrap, and Swayze gets his rocks off while surfing away into the distance, scott free.
What I really took away from this movie was, if you start taking other people’s advice, just cause they’re your boss, or cause they’re old, you’re gonna get majorly dicked over. You’ll end up screwing some pretty ugly chicks, getting your ass kicked by 90’s rocker has beens, or even getting arrested for some shit you didn’t even do. Just trust yourself, go with your instincts, and never listen to some old fuckers advice about how to live your life.