THE CROW (1994)

STARRING:
BRANDON LEE, MICHAEL WINCOTT AND ERNIE HUDSON

KILL METER: 5/6

The-Crow-reboot-James-McAvoyIn some shithole city, where it’s never, ever daytime ever, a righteous 4 man gang rides around and blows crap up and just does whatever the hell they want. They basically own the city. On a typical weekday evening, they’re swallowing bullets, putting cigars out on their tongues, chanting all kinds of crazy shit at one another, and screwing each other’s girlfriends… they’re pretty awesome.

FunboyDeathSceneTheCrowSheetsOne night, they party at some guy’s house and things get a little outta control. They end up pushing this dude out of a window! It’s totally an accident though, they all bang his GF afterwards, and she doesn’t seem to have a problem with what happened, so every things fine here. It’s just back to business as usual after that: they set an arcade on fire, do heroin, ride around and yell at each other. They’re all really good friends, it’s all in good fun, and they just kinda forget that some guy got tossed out of a window at their awesome rager.

The-Crow-1But, after partying a lot, one of them decides to walk home on a dangerous street or something, and he gets stabbed to death! So they’re all like “NOOO!” and then just party in his honor. Then, another one of them dies from a heroin overdose. Sucks!! Finally, the gang leader gets blown up in his amazing car. The last guy left, he dies too. So, that’s the end. Oh, also the window guy shows back up with Juggalo makeup on?? The fuck? I dunno, the plot of this movie was pretty good, but that part totally threw me off.

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