THE SUBSTITUTE (1996)

STARRING:
TOM BERENGER, MARC ANTHONY

KILL METER: 4/6

The-SubstituteTom Berenger gets tough with some High School kids in this classroom drama. Berenger’s not taking any crap from these little shits, no way, and they’ve gotten pretty comfortable screwing with teachers over the years, but they just messed with the wrong Algebra 101 professor here.

substitute-1996-06-gAt first, Berenger tries to play it cool with these fuckwackers. Like, on the first day, he comes in wearing his baseball cap backwards, calling everyone “lil brother” and talking about how he knows a lot of kids who were just “playing around” until, one day, that game bought them a one way ticket to the bone orchard. He basically doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, and the kids see right through his shenanigans.

He also tries to make a rap about Geometry, with whack ass shit like “Geometry ain’t about bein square, funky little trapezoids everywhere! Isosceles, Equilateral, Scalene and Right. These triangle’s is keeping me up all night!”

substitute-1996-03-gHe’s just trying to bond with the goddamn peckerheads, but what does he get in return? A bag of flaming dog turds on his desk, spitballs in his face, and somebody even spray paints “crackah, pleez” on his Chevy Camaro.

substitute1So, in the end, he just fucking snaps in class one day and beats the shit out of a bunch of his students. This movie was fucking awesome

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