XXX (2002)

STARRING:
VIN DIESEL, SAMUEL L. JACKSON

KILL METER: 3/6

784Vin Diesel’s landed every 10 year old boy’s dream job: he’s the star of an XTREME sports show that constantly pushes situations to their XXXTREME limits! Samuel L Jackson is a by-the-book Government worker who just wants some peace and quiet. These two oddball nuts get partnered up for all kinds of hijinks in this Summer action thrill ride!!!

xXx-vin-diesel-10426451-640-480Diesel is totally living on the edge – tasering himself in the balls, parachuting out of a convertible while it’s flying off a cliff, sticking a traffic cone up his ass – basically, he’ll do anything, as long as it’s XTREME!! He also videotapes all these stunts for MTV, or Public Access, or whatever. One day, somebody at the Government watches his show, and they just go apeshit! They decide to send him on some top secret CIA missions, so he can get XTREME on all those terrorist’s assholes. But, hey now, they don’t want him to get too crazy here, cause he’s a loose cannon! So, to balance things out, they also send along the only guy they know who will never, ever get XTREME! Their top analyst dork, Samuel L. Jackson.

6903Before long, Diesel is blowing up random shit and using a dinner tray like a skateboard while Jackson just screams at him over the radio, yelling about expense reports and equipment costs, and they make a really wacky team, they’re always fighting and arguing with each other! And, man, they’ve got some witty banter going on, Jackson’s like “They should just call you triple X, cause you a three time loser.” and Vin Diesel comes back with “goe fugyerslf asss hellt, ah liv fer diis shiiit bro.” Fucking hilarious!!

2002_XXX_018Anyway, the two of them infiltrate the Russian Mafia, go to a Rammstein concert together, stop a thermal nuclear strike on the Czech Republic, and, more importantly, they end up getting along, even though Jackson is always on Diesel’s ass about every little thing. In the end, when all’s said and done, Diesel goes XTREME sailing with some foreign girl he met, and Jackson gets stuck back at his desk. So, he keeps calling Diesel up every five minutes. Cause, even though he acted like he couldn’t stand him, Vin’s actually kinda grown on Jackson, and he really misses VD once he’s gone. But, like the saying goes, when you take something for granted, it might just up and leave you. And then you may get stuck trying to replace it with Ice Cube, which just sucks a big one.

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